yeah, some are odd…

I just had the worlds most shittacular weekend, which is extending into my week. l.o.v.e.l.y.

It started with booting my brother out of my apartment because he brought an illegal substance into my house. I dont care that he smokes it. Hell, everyone is entitled to do what they want to their own bodies. But you do NOT bring that shit into my house.

I dont care what rob says. (”you cant be arrested for how much he has, only be ticketed”) that ticket will be on Joes file you dipshit, aka he will lose his job. The breadwinner of the house. Then we’d lose the apartment for lack of being able to pay rent/bills. Reprocussions you fuckface. They do happen in the real world.

My mom. My god i am pissed to all hell at her. My current state of mind=i never want to speak to her again. She infurriates me. Again in my life I acted the adult as she traipsted around acting like a fucking 5 year old (cause she knew it would piss my sister off). She actually said “neah neah nah nah neah neah!” Cause i was looking out for my own safty, and the safty of the people with whom i reside with (husband, sister and friend).

Yes mom, i probably could have gone about this in a more adult fashion. But you know what? The world is here and now. At that point i was flaming mad. Very pissed. And i did what i felt best. Excuse or not, i didnt want him in my house anymore. Of course you sided with him. Cause “i locked my brother out during a rainstorm” Fuck if i care. he put my livlihood in danger, why should i care about him?

The last spoken words to my mother: “all i wanted was a mother who cared about me.” Quite honestly i hope that hurt her. It seems it did. As she’s attempted to call me a few times since i hung up on her. She admitted that she fucked up royally in raising us. But she also said she has no intentions on changing. So I get to continue to feel like i am worth shit. Like i create mistake after mistake…because i was a mistake…where rob can do no wrong (and until sister moved out, she could get away with murder, but since she moved in with me, i feel bad, mom’s begining to treat her like me). She hurt me badly. My whole life. She has no intentions on changing, yet expects me to continue to live in her hell? I have the hell of my own head to deal with.

Fuck you mom. a 23 year old is allowed to cry. I am allowed to feel sad, and shead tears when i dont know what to do. when the situations i find myself in overwhelm me.

though i find it ironic, you’ve in more ways than one called me a rainbow of names over the course of this since sunday, you still have the balls to tell me you love me. After telling me, in a sense that you dont care about the way you treat me. Surrrrre. I believe you now.

We found weed in our freezer last night. >_>

Fucking brother. He knew our rules against it, and still did it. now mom is a bit irked at me because i am being a bitch about it.

I pretty much kicked him out. I currently dont find it appealing to be arrested for possession of marajuana…even if it isnt mine, its in my house.

Of course mom’s being a whiner about it. “dont do this to me katie.” “He was just showing off” “he did something stupid” “It makes me sick to my stomach thinking that one of my kids is living on the streets” “he is an ass”

Fucking mother. shes sticking up for him. It bites being one of the only 2 non drug addicted people in my family (hell i am fairly positive 90% of my extended family smokes up/does SOMETHING).

First off, I didnt do this mom. HE did.

second: how is he showing off when its at MY house?!

third: of course he did something stupid. he is a fucking idiot.

fourth: it makes you sick thinking your (and i swear this is true) favorite is on the streets, you odviously dont give a damn about my household (we can be evicted for having this in our house…the people below us, whom we call the cops on for smoking up and stinking the whole building, were evicted). That would be 5 people homeless instead of one.

Fifth: hes more than an ass, hes a fucking drug addicted ass.

I also told mom that rob is more than stupid, but hell if she is going to get it out of me (yes i am being a bitch), cause i used to be yelled at for tattling (exact quote in the email: ” am not even going to say what i think about rob being stupid. cause he will be mad at me. and you all got sick of me tattling when i was little. so whatever”)

I dont care what this does to my family. Rob knew our “policy” on drugs, dont fucking bring it to our house. and he didnt listen. he is not allowed back at my home except to pick his shit up.

I am tired of this. Because they all chose to light up, and sis and i dont, we are the evil ones. fuck that shit. i think we are the intelligent onex because we chose not to destroy our brains. And clearly its effecting Mom and Rob.

Good lord i am FUMING!