I guess i dug this hole myself. I dont know. i assumed that people today were like they acted in high school. Tolerant. Accepting of differences, didnt care what you did/who you hung out with, except if you were a poser. we all hated posers. Apparently that was just an illusion. So what if i am ‘different’ that i do not follow social norms. That is in no way a reason to seclude me. I am not secluding myself at all. Quite the contrary. I do get out quite a bit, but my phone remains silent. Yes it works two ways. Would work better if i knew peoples phone numbers right? Cant very well call people to ask them if they wanna go for a walk or something when i dont know their number. Maybe if i start punching in random numbers i’ll eventually find the ones i dont have.
John and Gabe are the only two people I ever openly stated i didnt like. I have never once said anything about past boyfriends to anyone until they were out of the picture. Never once did i call Jen out for ditching me numerous times, while she was with steve. Or how i do not like her current. He walks around with an air of “i am better than you” attitude that pisses me off. *gasp* I said something mean about Eddie!
Not like anyone else hasnt said anything about Chris. Yes his breath smells. As soon as his insurance processes he is going to get that fixed. Yes he smells in general. We are lucky we dont have to pay for water, cause he takes a shower at least twice a day. He cant help his hormones. Besides its not like your shit dont stink. Oh wait, let me guess, it doesn’t?
So what if i chose to live an alternative lifestyle. Its not your problem. And i wish you would just accept it. But apparently thats too much to ask.
I was shunned for “marrying too fast” three years ago. and now i am being kicked while i am down and bleeding for not following a ‘normal lifestyle’.
Yes chris has an anger issue. but he’s calmed down a hell of a lot since he moved back up here. Yes, chris can be annoying. And i am not? He works hard. He has a full time job now, he earns his keep, hell he does more chores around the house than even Joe and I do!
We all have quirks. Three years ago, no one liked Joe. Dont tell me you did, cause i know each and every one of you had issues with him. Its the same thing all over again.
Thank you so much everyone for showing me how much my friends really cared and supported me. It really opened up my eyes.
I am keeping this journal right now, set to friends IRL only, and screening comments. feel free to rip me to fucking shreds. now is the best time. I mean i’ve cried enough this weekend, may as well hurt me even more ya know?
All i ask for in life is to be accepted for who i am. I accept others for who they are, and do not judge them, or shun them based on their choices of love and life.
I leave with this:
“I don’t understand why you don’t like me
Why don’t you like me?
Am I so diffrent from you
Now does it scare you that I’m able to discern
What to love and what to burn
I’ll add your fuel to the fire now
Stand back, brother take your hand back
Leave it and I might crack
More than a smile or two you see
Don’t judge what you don’t understand
You can’t deny what has been given to me”
and
“Before you judge me, take a look at you
Can’t you find something better to do?
Point the finger, slow to understand
Arrogance and ignorance go hand in hand
It’s not who you are, it’s who you know
Others’ lives are the basis of your own
Burn your bridges and build them back with wealth
Judge not lest ye be judged yourself”
Its just like three years ago. all over again. I am not pushing anyone away, i am just given limits (by an outside source) based on my life choices, and then when i make my decision (given the options you all pick for me) based on my choices, I am the one in the wrong.
I dont know how to write this so that it makes sense. but fuck it. you had to bring it up today. He may have passed away in July, but i fucking found out YESTERDAY. I fucking lost my best friend yesterday, and you have to go and start this shit today.
You want to see me seclude myself from you all? Really? Cause i am not. I accepted each and every single life choice you all made for yourselves (with the exception, Carrie, to John and gabe, but hell i admit i fucked up). Every single one of your relationships. During most of my friends relationships in the past, i lost my friends for weeks on end because they were too gaga over boy. Now Its MY FAULT because i will not go to a party for my own personal choices.
What the fuck ever.
man. with all this shit going on, i am going to fail BOTH tests tomorrow.
Published on July 6, 2007
Author: John F. Bonfatti - NEWS STAFF REPORTER
© The Buffalo News Inc.
Unlike most people, Jason C. Stafford understood at an early age his life would likely not be long.
Born with an untreatable, progressive neurological disease, he realized his time would be shorter than most of his contemporaries. Some might have withdrawn and lived in self-pity. Instead, he vowed to make the most out of the time he would have.
“I always tried to live each day to the fullest,” Stafford was quoted in the notice announcing his death, which occurred Wednesday night in his Amherst home. “I wish it was more, but God seems to want me.”
Stafford, known to his many friends as Jay, turned 26 June 12. His parents learned shortly after he was born that he had neurofibromatosis, although his mother, Karen, said doctors initially misdiagnosed the condition.
“They told us he had Elephant Man’s disease,” she said. “The doctor was very rude. He said he would grow up to look like the Elephant Man.”
Neurofibromatosis is a genetic disorder in which many soft, fleshy growths of nerve tissues grow under the skin and in parts of the body. No known treatment can stop its progression or cure it.
Because of the condition, her son was developmentally delayed, Stafford said. But he was always an active child, “very impulsive.”
When he was old enough to understand his condition, Stafford said, her son “was very angry for a while.
“But I taught him the hardest thing you’re gong to have to do in life is know yourself,” she added. “If you get to know yourself — your limitations and your strengths — and work on your strengths, you will be stronger than most people out there.”
Jason Stafford’s strengths, according to family members, friends and co-workers, were determination, a willingness to work hard and an engaging personality that seemed to bring out the best in those around him.
“He had a drive and a lot of courage and a lot of strength,” said his aunt, Sandy Barillari. “He had the determination to get what he wanted in life. His goal was to enjoy life along the way, and he did.”
His medical condition made Jason’s bones brittle — he spent the summer in a body cast as a 14-year-old. And the deterioration and eventual dissolution of his parents’ marriage had a negative impact on her son’s mental well-being, Karen Stafford said.
Still, with the help of counseling, Jason was able to recover and eventually earn his general education diploma, then start attending classes at Erie Community College.
He made enough of an impression in the Amherst Central School District that he was hired as a custodian at Amherst Middle School.
“He was not easily discouraged,” said his friend and fellow custodian, Pat Crowley, who added that many of his co-workers were unaware of Stafford’s background until recently.
“When you sit there and you face struggles in an everyday life, you sometimes let them get you down,” he said. “To see someone like Jay, who basically had barriers thrown in front of him his whole life and went over, under and around them all . . . was just incredible.”
Jason was interested in a career in hospitality and took a second job in 2005 with what was then the Hampton Inn near the UB North Campus.
He worked as a bellman and driver, according to the hotel’s general manager, Rick Maurer.
“Being a bellman, that’s the first person you see when you come in from the airport,” he said. “It’s a huge impact when they’re hit with a personality like Jason’s. It starts their stay off on the right foot.”
Universally liked by his co-workers, he was named associate of the quarter for the first part of last year. When the award went monthly this year, he won it in January. Maurer said he will be awarded it posthumously for April.
“We hope to establish some kind of memorial garden outside the hotel once the renovations are complete,” he said.
Jason dictated his lengthy death notice, which appeared in Thursday’s editions of The Buffalo News, to his mother as his disease progressed rapidly in the past month.
“To all the people I met in life,” it started. “I don’t want people to cry ’cause I am dying, but I want people to know how much living meant to me.”
A memorial service will be at 1 p.m. Sunday in Amigone Funeral Home, 8440 Main St., Clarence.
e-mail: jbonfatti@buffnews.com
Jason C. Stafford was described as having an engaging personality.
fuck it. I paid my $3 to view this article, i will post it if i damn well please. This article was written about one of my oldest friends. Actually he was my second oldest (Sarah wins), i just found out today that he passed away from a brain tumor in July.
I dont want to think right now. But i have to go study for school. If there ever was a hero in my life, it would be this kid. I didnt even know he was sick. Hes the type of guy who pushed on and ignored this fact. Hell he even dictated his own obit! Fucking damnit Jason. WHY DIDNT YOU TELL ME >( I wanna make a few phone calls when i regain some sanity and sensation to try to figure out if he has a grave i can visit. It is the least i can do.
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